11/26/2007

How to use the Law of Attraction to change the behavior of others

Change your thoughts, change your life. That phrase is the basic premise of the Law of Attraction. We can take advantage of this natural law by first being conscious of the thoughts that run through our minds, and second, creating affirmative thoughts and visualizing your desires until you create a vibrational match with what you wish to attract into your life. The Law of Attraction (LOA) allows us to redirect our focus from what is hindering us to what will empower us to take positive actions. Many of us have experienced the joys of manifesting a desire when we actively engage in the act of manifestation.

How, then, can we implement this law to impact those in our lives? If we are constantly irritated by the actions of our spouse, boss, mother, friend, how can put to use this wonderful law to change the behaviors of others?


The honest answer is you can't.
But be not dismayed my friend. For though you can not directly change their behavior, you can influence and affect their actions simply by how you chose to think and act. Let me provide an example which should clarify my point.
Say, for instance, you have a spouse who is no longer as affectionate towards you as he or she was in the past. You are frustrated by the situation and thoughts of how selfish that person is runs through your mind throughout the day both consciously and unconsciously. You soon find yourself becoming easily frustrated simply by providing your thoughts the opportunity to roam freely in your head. Your frustration easily manifests itself when your spouse commits a horrendous act that causes you to lose every ounce of reason you once had. This horrendous act is usually something unforgivable like leaving a toilet seat up or being reminded to complete some work around the house. Your off-the-wall reaction to their "incompetence" is not the result of their action, it is the result of built up emotion created by your thought-life.

This situation can be aided by focusing on the problem first, your thoughts second, and thirdly, your actions. The problem, in this example, is that your significant other is not providing you the affection you require. As you observe your thoughts you realize that throughout the day you are amplifying your partner's faults because you are angry and feel heavy under the weight of self-pity. You realize that you are creating an unreasonable expectation that no human can live up to. The situation is unfair to the other person because you have spent the better part of your day preparing for confrontation at the person's first sign of weakness. When you realize that this problem exists, you can begin the second step of managing your destructive thoughts.

The best way to do this is by first simply observing your thoughts. Trying to correct them straight away is way too difficult in the beginning. Observing your thoughts simply means that you will not try to interfere with them at first. You will simply watch them as they happen as a third party with no direct involvement or no attachment to the negative thoughts in your mind. When you grab hold of this truth, you will begin to see the desperate nature of your mind in its attempt to create negative emotions towards the other person. When you realize how easily you can be manipulated to creating negative emotions, you can consciously begin the process of creating positive emotions.

Your next course of action should be to visualize your spouse exactly as you want them to be. The key is to do this so proficiently that your mind begins to believe these images. You can validate its effectiveness with feelings you experience. If these images make you feel all warm and tingly, the exercise is working. Do not stop trying until you experience genuine feelings of love and admiration for your mate. The fun does not stop there. You must use the newfound feelings of affection in your dealings with your spouse. Because you created these emotions without any direct participation of that individual, you must continue to maintain your emotions regardless of whether your partner responds to you differently in real life than he or she does in your mind. That person has developed behaviors in accordance of how you have treated them in the past. They will not change their actions overnight.

Continue to live in your own world of fantasy where your partner is everything you want them to be. You will not be able to maintain your tough exterior, your nagging, or your degrading comments any longer. If fact, you will be able to see the beautiful qualities about your mate that drew you to them in the first place. As your thoughts change, your behaviors change. If your behaviors are genuine, your spouse will have no other choice but the take notice of the way you behave. Soon will be begin to experience the fruit of your labor as your partner begins to manifest some of the same behaviors you longed for that person to have.

When I explain this technique to my friends the most difficult part for them to overcome is letting go of the destructive thoughts about their spouse. Because the thoughts have been allowed to roam freely, they believe that every thought which appears is true. They also wish to hold on to their ability to think negatively about someone who is causing them so much hurt. I respond by reminding them that they have nothing to lose and everything to gain by using this technique. This method of using the Law of Attraction costs nothing and only provides benefits to the participant. You feel good throughout the day because you fantasize about your spouse becoming your ideal partner. Commit yourself to trying this exercise everyday, you will soon begin to experience the miracle of using the Law of Attraction to change the behaviors of others.

11/21/2007

How to be thankful in everything


The Thanksgiving holiday invites us to increase our awareness of the many blessings we have received throughout the year. We take inventory of the things we have, such as our homes, cars, health, family, and express gratitude for how well the year has progressed to date. We enjoy the opportunity give thanks for everything good in our lives. An attitude of gratefulness encourages you to be conscious of all the good things in your life that you should grateful for. The concept is similar to that of a person who purchases a new red Nissan. The moment they drive off the lot, they begin to realize that every other vehicle on the road is also a red Nissan. Not because everyone went out and purchase their cars when you did, but because you have developed an awareness of that vehicle.

As children, we were conditioned to give thanks in direct correlation to what we received. You may remember your mother giving you something and asking you "what do you say?" in response to receiving. This type of receive-give thanks pattern is customary. In fact, our parents would think that something was wrong if we ever showed them generous gratitude without being prompted by a specific event occurring just before the words of thanks. They would usually display their disbelief by asking you what you wanted in response to the gratitude you were expressing. This further engraved in our minds the theory that we must only show gratitude once we have received the object we are thankful for.

Living a victorious life requires us to be thankful for all things at all times. This requirement becomes difficult if we can not pinpoint a specific reason to be grateful. An attitude of gratitude is even more laborious if we are experiencing difficult and painful emotions as result of what is happening in our lives. There is a verse in the Bible that says "In all things give thanks." Notice the writer did not say "for all things give thanks." We are not necessarily required to be thankful for what we are going through. We need to be thankful in everything we are experiencing. When you went up to your mom for no reason and simply said "thank you mom," you had no specific reason in mind. It was a "just because" thank you. We ought to develop a just because type of gratitude in all circumstances. When we do, our awareness heightens and, much like the example of the new car, we begin to find more reasons to be thankful for that did not seem to be there before.

We feel good when we give thanks. This act brings into perspective how blessed we truly are. You can not remain in your mental lull after vocalizing a long list of every person, thing, experience, you appreciate in your life. Even the not-so-good past experiences in your life have helped to develop you as the person you are today with regards to emotional growth and the wisdom you received. Be thankful!
Remember to be thankful "in" everything. Thankful for what the experience means and not for what it gives. You will see how quickly your mind shifts when you begin to appreciate everything just as it is.

Thank you......and have a great day!

11/11/2007

The consequences of Inauthentic Living


Most of us are live out our days performing activities that are inauthentic to our true nature. Many of our inauthentic actions stem from a mix of social conditioning and our own inability to explore our true selves. We often accept parts of us that are not conducive to who we would like to become by claiming undesired habits or behaviors as "who we are." When we claim undesirable actions as who we are, we unfairly lay burdens on ourselves that we are not equipped to carry.

The areas of your life where you are experiencing discomfort serve as a clear signal of resistance against your true nature. If you are uncomfortable with the extra 10-20lbs of weight you are carrying, your body is letting you know that that you are not in alignment with your true or ideal body weight. If you feel unhealthy stress from your job or co-workers, you are very likely in an environment where you are not allowed to fully express your true nature in an authentic way. Wherever there is drastic compromise of your true self, you will begin to first feel an internal discomfort, and second, you will experience self-destructive symptoms in your life.

You will begin punishing yourself for your inability to allow your truest nature to experience freedom. For example, at work you feel that you are not given the opportunity to provide true value to the organization but instead feel that you are merely following orders handed down to you from the powers that be. As a result, you begin to sabotage your work by subconsciously slowing down your productivity and filling your working hours with menial unimportant tasks. Or maybe you are in a relationship where you feel that you can not fully express your opinions in a way that satisfies your truest nature, so you begin to supplement your emotional well-being with food, shopping, or other self-destructive activities.

The problem with living without authenticity is that your subconscious is fully aware of the fact that you are out of alignment. You generally begin to feel bad about yourself and seek to feel better by creating an equally destructive activity to soothe your emotions. These activities are ideal for providing momentary pleasures that seem to make up for the lack of honesty in your life. The problem with these "fillers" is that they create even more imbalance and resistance in your life. The more we involve ourselves with self-destructive behaviors, from inauthentic living, the more these behaviors begin to become habits in our lives. Eventually we become so accustomed to identifying with inauthentic behaviors that we falsely believe the actions to be that of our true natures. Soon we claim ourselves to be smokers, or lazy, or overweight, or shy, or whatever.

The question we fail to ask ourselves is why? Why do I smoke, over eat, or waste my time on self-limiting activities? Why do I keep doing "stupid" things that keep me trapped in a pattern of self-destructive behavior? Your answer to these questions. Your real answer to these questions will lead you down the path to living authentically. Start by being honest with yourself. Is their fear, anger, or other emotion suppressed deep inside?
Covering our emotions is similar to burying something while it is still alive. You know that it has not died. You will not rest because you understand that what you have done is unnatural. Your mind not will allow a moment of peace until you provide it the opportunity to freely express what needs to be expressed without hindrance.

Welcome your new authentic life by being as honest with yourself as you are able. Ask the difficult questions and provide answers to them. Realize that you no longer have to use compulsive activities as diversions that keep you separated from the truth that lurks beneath. Look at the truth square in the face so you can realize the freedom that comes with living in an authentic way. As you commit to authentic living, soon realize that the truth is easier to deal with than a mind that is struggling to become free.

11/10/2007

Creating a Positive Attitude


Positive Attitude. We hear that word thrown around from time to time whenever we are asked to respond a certain way to life's challenges. But what does attitude really have to do with life's not so pleasant surprises? If we chose react to a situation with fear or with unwavering resolve to overcome the challenge, how does that change the actual situation? The answer to the question is that positive attitude does not change the situation. It changes us. Let me further explain this concept with an analogy I once heard.

A man was attempting to teach his son a life lesson. He poured some water into a pot on the stove and brought the water up to a boil. As the water boiled he put in a carrot. After being exposed to the hot water a while the carrot became soft and broke apart. Next he put an egg into another pot of boiling hot water. After a few minutes, the egg hardened. Finally the man placed coffee beans into a pot of boiling water and soon the aroma of coffee filled the air.

When he was finished the man asked his son if he had learned anything. The son seemed confused so the father explained his demonstration. The water represents the difficult circumstances that we face in life. The carrot is the person who can not stand in the face of adversity and crumbles under difficult circumstances. The egg is the person who allows situations affect them so greatly that they become hardened and changed. The coffee represents the person who uses the situation given to his or her advantage and changes the aroma of the surrounding environment.

This story is a clear example of how the same circumstance can have a different affect on each of us. The person represented by the carrot and the egg are those who view the boiling water as something negative. As a result, they allowed the external circumstance to change who they are. When a situation seems to be completely out of our control, all we have left is choice. We can make a conscious choice about who we want to be in the face of adversity and how we will let a situation impact us. Will we use it as a powerful life lesson or will we allow it to defeat us?

Whenever we do not consciously choose to have a positive attitude, we are granting permission for that situation to change who we are. We say without words that we can not hold on to our true essence when life is not going as expected. But with a different attitude, we say to ourselves that we are strong enough to withstand the circumstance. And above all, we have the power to change it.

11/05/2007

Creating an effective To-do list


The to do list is a shining example of how much we love to complete a myriad of seemingly important activities that make us feel as important as a bride on her wedding day. The more items we are able to cross off our prized list, the better. The longer the list, the more tasks we can eliminate, and the greater we feel about our accomplishment. Day after day we compile our trusty collection of "things" to do and work feverishly on them, hoping to create some type of daily satisfaction from every scratched item listed.

My completed to do lists were so valuable to me that I kept a stack of past lists and reviewed them from time to time. I would thumb through the lists and relish at how many "things" I had completed in the past day, week, or month. Yes sir, I had, in my possession, written documentation of how productive I was and I was proud of it.
The other day, while at a meeting of other like minded people, I received an insight that forever changed the way I think about to-do lists. The person heading the meeting made a profound statement to the group. His words hit me like a ton on bricks. His words deflated the trust that placed in the mighty to-do list.

The gentleman explained the differences between extraordinary people and those who are not so extraordinary. One major distinction lay in their to-do list. Your to-do list is where you place your focus. Whatever you focus on expands. Extraordinary people focus on results. Those who are not, focus on activities. Sometimes, when we focus on activities, we think we will get the same results but that is often not the case. Sometimes, our to do list serve to keep us busy and stagnant, must like a person in on a treadmill. Your are still running, but are you getting anywhere?

From this day forward, your to-do list is no longer a to-do list. Today your list is now an action plan. An action plan consists of actions that you take which bring you that much closer to the results you want. Before creating your daily action plans, think of the results you want to obtain. Think long and hard until you are certain and have a clear
picture of what you wish to accomplish. Extraordinary people focus on results. As they plan their steps based on the end result, they bring themselves closer to what they want to achieve every single day. The more focused they are on reaching their desired outcome, the more extra-ordinary they become. Today is the day that you no longer write down things to do for the sake of having a written list of things to do. You no longer have "things" to do, you have actions to take. Those actions will propel you forward faster than anything else you can do to have what you desire. Those actions are the salvation you have been seeking on your personal development journey. Those actions will create results that will define your new reality.