7/26/2007

Your own worst enemy

I had to do some real soul searching the other day when I suddenly realized that I had created this nasty little habit of waiting until the last minute to get something done. Traditionally, I tended to dilly dally on school assignments and other tasks and magically get the work done at the last minute. Many of us operate at least some part our lives this way. Here are the reasons why this habit became so destructive.

The reason why I generally put my work off until the last moment was not because I had more critical activities to complete. Looking back I realize that the majority of my time preceding the last minute dash was very unproductive. I would surf the net, or do light housework that could have been done a later time. To be completely honest, I was coursing through my house looking for tasks that I could do to postpone what really needed to be done. My actions were subconscious of course. I did not literally say "what can I do to occupy my time and avoid getting the important things done?"

The worst part about the entire situation was that I could hear a very small nagging voice that said "you know you should be doing..." I ignored that voice. When it came back, I ignored it again. I ignored it until I had not other choice but to listen.
When I sat down and truly realized exactly what was happening I had to make a decision. Would I continue in direction I was heading, becoming my own worst enemy, or would I consciously work to develop the discipline of doing what needs to be done first?

I knew the answer to this question would not be mere words. The answer had to come from my actions. Words mean nothing in a situation like this. Empty words are like a dollar bill with the face of a clown on it. The bill looks promising from afar, but holds absolutely no value. So I didn't say much to myself. I didn't vow that this would never happen again. It was almost like if I did make promises to myself, my subconscious would hear my words and attempt to sabotage my efforts. Instead I took complete control of my actions. I figured that I had to do something to show that I have at least some power to control my what I do.

Yesterday I did just that. I did not allow any other option but to identify what was most important and work on those things right away. Yesterday was a success. Yesterday was only one day. There will be many more days where I will be called to make crucial decisions regarding my actions. I understand now that destructive habits work to deny me of my success. With that said, I work diligently to create new habits that move me in the right direction.

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